Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
