somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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