What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just took my morning after pill in the library
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
