The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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