I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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