Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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