I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
