Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
