okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Randomize
