I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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