peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
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