So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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