is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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