Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
