My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
