she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
