I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
