i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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