The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
