he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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