i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
