Sponge bath it is.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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