Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
