im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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