Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
