you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
