neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
