I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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