his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
