I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
