I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
