And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
