last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
