New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
