Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Four minutes until I can fart!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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