they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
pray to the hookup gods
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
