onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
