wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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