I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
