you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize