i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
