It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
