dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
smell my finger.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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