I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
