I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize