I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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