ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
