I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize