So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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