I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
