college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize