i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Well I just put wine in my tea
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
