Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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