i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize