I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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