Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i think i have herpe
just one?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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