cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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