I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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