When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
