I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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