just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I need moral support for this bender
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
