Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
