I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
