i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
