mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
