god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
