I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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