The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
