You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
