don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Randomize
