she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
