I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize