phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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