Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
