You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
