i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
