stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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