Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
