you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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