I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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