you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
