that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
