There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
