I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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