A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
