its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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