i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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