Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
