I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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