gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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