4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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