2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
she was so not down for the gang bang
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
