It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
