Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
