Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
