is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
