Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
