I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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