If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
