Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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